"Now to Him Who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us."
We are overwhelmed by everyone's excitement for us after making our pregnancy public! We are excited to share some stories, photos, a video, and what God has been teaching us!
About the time I conceived, I read Psalm 139. I had been reading through the Psalms, and I’m grateful for what God taught me through a very popular few verses.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Even before I knew I’d be pregnant, God was preparing my heart. It struck me that GOD does the knitting and creating. I had been focusing so much on repairing my health that I was putting too much responsibility on myself. Sure, there are consequences for our choices - like not taking care of your body and expecting to have a healthy baby. But God was revealing to me that I needed to continue to be diligent with taking care of myself, but to leave the rest up to Him.
I would often sing those verses (Steve Green style!) over the next couple weeks. Because of my Hashimoto’s, I realized that I was more at risk for miscarriage, birth defects, and premature delivery. SURRENDER.
I have to trust the God Who created this life to keep it safe and healthy.
In the beginning, I found myself not wanting to be too excited, so as to protect myself from loss. But that’s not living in surrender, joy, or trust. If we lose this life, then we will deal with it then. I’m not going to prepare for loss because it robs my joy and triggers fear and stress. I am grateful for every single day that I have to carry this precious little life, however long God allows me to carry it.
Every day presents a new opportunity to surrender, to choose His peace, and to reject worry.
How I told Jon
I had planned to take a pregnancy test that morning before sending him off to work, but I only had time to make him breakfast. I didn't think I was pregnant anyway, so I didn't prioritize it. The main reason why I wanted to take a test was because I was getting an x-ray that morning - I had my first adjustment in YEARS the day before, and I almost walked out of the office crying. I could finally move and breathe! We wanted to check on a couple things, so we decided on an x-ray to give some clarity.
Anyway, after Jon left, I took the test.
After taking the test, I casually glanced to my right, not even really meaning to look at the pregnancy test since it hadn’t even been two minutes yet.
I think I saw two stripes.
I closed my eyes, remembering what the instructions on the test said.
I looked over again at the test.
YES. 2 stripes!!!!!!!
I stared at the shower curtain, shocked. Heart beating fast, I didn't know what to think. It reminded me of the moment Jon and I got engaged. There wasn't music swelling in the background, uncontrollable laughter, or tears of joy. Instead, I remember thinking to myself, "Say something poetic! Something you'll remember! Something sweet! Do I say, 'I'd be honored to be your wife!' or 'Of course!' or 'I'd love to!'' Obviously I hadn't thought about that moment enough! It was quiet as Jon awaited my reply. Like uncomfortably quiet. I think I said "YES!" though I actually can't really remember!
But my point is that the moment felt very REAL. And for the first time, I didn't think "What goes in, must come out!!!" Every time a friend got pregnant, that was my first thought! The fear of delivery! But that wasn't the case when I saw the positive pregnancy test. My thought was simply, "this is a baby!"
The moment wasn't angelic or movie like at all. Just very real. Beautiful nonetheless, but it was real life.
That's exactly how I'd describe my feeling upon seeing the positive pregnancy test. It was REAL. I remember thanking Jesus over and over, committing the baby to Him.
I went to my appointment, bypassed the x-ray, got an adjustment, and went to Wal-Mart to buy some supplies to surprise Jon!
Pictured below is the set up!
I was so excited to tell him that I took a video on my phone upside down as he walked inside! I was shaking and fighting the tears. I hadn't felt like this all day until Jon came home. All of a sudden, it was REAL. Really real. Way more real now that I shared the news with him. We were going to have a baby! I was fighting denial all day until he came home.
Jon was going out of town that evening for a wedding in Missouri, so I took down all the decorations before taking him to the airport. My family was coming over for dinner, a rehearsal, and sister sleepover that evening, so I didn't want them to know yet!
How we told my family
At 7 weeks, we were celebrating my dad's birthday and my birthday. My entire family was all together, and though we wanted to wait until an ultrasound, we decided to share the news! I couldn't hide the nausea any longer (which hit right before 6 weeks. I thought it was from a rotten kiwi, though the nausea hasn't left since then!).
I wrote the family on WhatsApp the evening before suggesting that we take a family photo right after church before we all changed for lunch. No one suspected anything, and we had a plan! Jon and I set up the tripod and camera outside, nervously waiting for everyone to get home so we could share the news! I was feeling pretty sick and was having a hard time hiding it!
We took a nice family photo first, and then I told everyone to do a funny picture! While they chose what funny face they wanted, Jon switched the camera to video and told them it’d be a short countdown (instead of the usual 10 seconds - we didn’t want them to notice that the red timer light wouldn’t show since it was a video). Jon and I counted down together:
5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 WE'RE PREGNANT!!!!!
And here's our excited face photo after they all found out we're having a baby!
Food aversions: squash, zucchini, some meat, anything taco, salsa, cauliflower, anything that smells strong, healthy foods. Ok, basically everything.
I can't even tell you how much food we've thrown away! I had the hardest time opening the fridge for a long time (and still do most days) because of the smells that would come out of it! Though I've been pretty nauseous, I haven't thrown up at all.
Jon has been AMAZING.
He has been so caring, gentle, serving, and kind as I've felt sicks for months.
Are you going to find out the gender? Absolutely! We'll find out around the end of January! Girl or boy - what is your vote?!
Where are you going to deliver? CMC main through the midwife unit!
What do the white balloons mean? When my parents told us they were pregnant each time with my two youngest sisters, they used pink, blue, and white balloons. Obviously, the pink and blue are for a girl or a boy, but the while balloons represent God's grace. We decided to do the same with our announcement. :)
A Funny Story:
[Keep in mind that food is an emotional subject, am I right?! Ok, now you can tease me for being so pathetic in this story. ;)]
At 6 weeks, I had a horrible fit because I was SO STARVING and everything in the house made me feel nauseous. And everything that sounded good to me, was a restricted item! All I wanted was toast with cream cheese. NOPE. Gluten and dairy free. Cheerios and milk. Still a No.
Jon made a comment about how he’s not complaining, and I just lost it.
“Of course you’re not complaining! You’re healthy and have a fridge FULL of food you can eat! You’re not the one who feels sick! The only food that would make me feel better, I can’t eat!”
Sobbing as I lay down on the couch in the media room.
I hear the back door shut.
Did he just leave? He needs to serve me and to help me through this! I can’t help myself right now!
Wait, maybe he went to buy me some food.
Sure enough, I get a phone call a few minutes later of him asking if I want Chipotle, El Valle, or Pie 5 pizza. Definitely gluten free pizza. I about cried. Actually, I did.
He came back with a delicious pizza loaded with toppings! As I ate the pizza watching Hawaii 5-O, I decided it probably would be best for me not to eat the entire pizza. But then again, I probably wouldn’t want to eat it the next day. I decided to eat it all.
After the pizza dinner, I felt slightly bloated, satisfied, and a little nauseous again. But I was full, and that was important!
Jon has been going out of his way over and over again for me, and I couldn't be more grateful. On another occasion, I sat on the couch, tears welling up (what's new) as I thanked Jon for him serving me (and it usually, ok always, includes food). "You do realize that I still have two or three months left of being sick???" I was nervous that he'd get tired of feeding me. But instead, he hugged me and reassured me that he'd never tire of serving me and our precious baby. Tears again.
Here are some photos from our tripod shoot the other day! I've included a bunch of outtakes since we had our fair share! =)